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Herb StevensonDeveloping Your Natural Talent
To Lead

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"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star"
—Nietzsche

Existential Courage to Face
Life and Death: The experience of being—alive and dead

by Herb Stevenson

existentialism >n. a philosophical theory which emphasizes the existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determining their own development through acts of the will.

 

Existential Instincts to Face Life

Otto Rank introduced the existential contest between life and death. He felt we have a "life instinct" that pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent, and a "death instinct" that pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity. (Boeree, 1998) In many ways, these are the determining factors between whether we approach life with courage or out of desperation. Both instincts create a tension that, if held throughout life, supports living on the edge of life in a state of being (or creating). When the balance is lost, we become overly enveloped by one instinct to the point in time that the other instinct erupts creating a sense of desperation to re-balance the tension between. Often experienced as an internal disintegration, the re-balancing process creates massive internal chaos until a new equilibrium is found and established.

Anxiety as Existential Fears of Facing Life

Juxtaposed to these instincts, “life is an ongoing struggle between the desire for autonomy and the desire for union. The striving for autonomy leads to the fear of decision over one’s life, and so to what Rank calls ‘life fear’. The yearning for reunion leads to fear of the loss of individuality and so to what Rank calls the ‘death fear’.” (Rank, 2004, xvi)

The "fear of life" or “life fear” is the fear of abandonment, separation, loneliness, and alienation (Boeree, 1998) and is typically associated with the “anxiety of ‘going forward’ to become fully individualized. (May, 1997, 151) For example, “if one ceases to trust one’s feelings because they change, one will withdraw from people, or engage them in relationship with caution.” (Lieberman, 1985, 6) Consequently, “it [life fear] shows itself in the need for dependency on someone else and/or the need to throw one’s self so completely into a relationship that one has no self left with which to relate.” rather than move forward into the unknown of individuality. (May, 1994, 18). Therefore, “life fear” is the polarity, or more appropriately the shadow, of the “life instinct”. It is acting out of fear in any way to eliminate the anxiety of experiencing being abandoned, separated, lonely, or alienated.

Similarly, the "fear of death or “death fear” is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one (Boeree, 1998) and is typically associated with the “anxiety of ‘going backwards’ thereby losing one’s individuality.” (May, 1997, 151) “This is the fear of being totally absorbed by the other, the fear of losing one’s self and one’s autonomy, the fear of having one’s independence taken way.” (May, 1994, 19) Therefore, “death fear” is the polarity, or more appropriately the shadow, of the “death instinct”. It is acting in any way to eliminate the anxiety of experiencing being lost, stuck, diminished and/or non-existent amongst the greater whole of family, culture, organizations, community, and/or mankind.

Life’s Separations

Our lives are filled with separations from others and from our self, beginning with birth. Rank's earliest work, in fact, concerned birth trauma the idea that the anxiety experienced during birth was the model for all anxiety experienced afterwards. After birth (literal physical separation from the mother), there's weaning that separates the child from the mother for nurturance ( physically, emotionally, mentally, and possibly spiritually), then discipline is administered (imparting culture) and school and work and heartbreaks.... But avoiding these separations is, literally, avoiding life and choosing death -- never finding out what you can do, never leaving your family or small town, never leaving the womb! (Boeree, 1998) Moreover, “between these two fear possibilities, these poles of fear, the individual is thrown back and forth all his life” (Rank, 1936, 175) Page 2 of 5 between claiming the right to fully individuate and claiming a place amongst mankind, such as being a part of a family, organization, and community. This place of tension, residing between the push towards individuality and the pull towards joining, is the home of anxiety, the place where we stay on the edge of life, creating our lives. So we must face our fears and move through our anxiety, recognizing that, to be fully developed, we must embrace both life and death, become individuals and nurture our relationships with others.

References

Boeree, C. George (1998) Otto Rank, http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/rank.html

Lieberman, E. James, (1985) Acts of Will: The Life and Work of Otto Rank, New York: Free press.

May, Rollo (1994) Courage to Create, New York: Norton & Company.

Rank, Otto, (1936) Willing therapy, New York: Alfred Knopf.
............., (2004) The Myth of the Birth of the Hero, Baltimore: John Hopkins University Press.

Existential Life and Death

Instinct/Courage Fear/Shadow
Life Instinct pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent. Life Fear is the fear of abandonment, separation, loneliness, and alienation. It shows itself in the need for dependency on someone else and/or the need to throw one’s self so completely into a relationship that one has no self left with which to relate.
Death Instinct pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity. Death Fear is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one. This is the fear of being totally absorbed by the other (loss of internal authority to exist as in a family dynamic), the fear of losing one’s self (loss of internal authority/selfidentity) and the fear of losing one’s autonomy (becoming codependent), the fear of having one’s independence taken way (loss of freedom and will). Prevents the ability to commit to others or to self

 

  Existential Life Existential Death
Instinct/Courage Life Instinct pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent. Death Instinct pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity.
Fear/Shadow Life Fear is the fear of abandonment, separation, loneliness, and alienation. It shows itself in the need for dependency on someone else and/or the need to throw one’s self so completely into a relationship that one has no self left with which to relate. Death Fear is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one. This is the fear of being totally absorbed by the other (loss of internal authority to exist as in a family dynamic), the fear of losing one’s self (loss of internal authority/self-identity) and the fear of losing one’s autonomy (becoming co-dependent), the fear of having one’s independence taken way (loss of freedom and will). Prevents the ability to commit to others or to self.

 

Existential Life and Death

Driving Force Example
Life Instinct pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent. Cutting apron strings from mother Adult initiation through: a crisis or a life experience outside of family or social norms such as college or military, or retiring from work. Going against the grain of friends and family Finding courage in spite of doubt/fear/anxiety.
Life Fear is the fear of abandonment, separation, loneliness, and alienation. It shows itself in the need for dependency on someone else and/or the need to throw one’s self so completely into a relationship that one has no self left with which to relate. Inability to be alone Inability to sit still and be with one self Habitualized Co-dependence and/or fawning behavior Inability to relate—self-sealing bubble behavior Easily to stay-out than risk rejection from joining Avoids real intimacy via sex or marriage Inability to think for self.
Death Instinct pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity. Adult initiation through: a crisis or a life experience stemmed from patriotism such as joining the military, or from a sense of need to belong or feel special such as joining a fraternity or sorority. or getting married and having children, or becoming part of political groups to save the environment or other social conditions.
Death Fear is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one. This is the fear of being totally absorbed by the other (loss of internal authority to exist as in a family dynamic), the fear of losing one’s self (loss of internal authority/self-identity) and the fear of losing one’s autonomy (becoming co-dependent), the fear of having one’s independence taken way (loss of freedom and will). Prevents the ability to commit to others or to self Issues with authority Inability to fully commit as a couple, family, or group Inability to actively join a group or club or affiliation Inability to think for self as part of others Fully absorbed in others’ lives. Abrasive/distant/blocking to others Go to, get it done person—by myself Immediate resistance to change in any group dynamic Uses rules, principles, values to feel safe.
Life Instinct pushes us away from joining and towards individuation so as to become individuals, competent and independent.  
Life Fear is the fear of abandonment, separation, loneliness, and alienation. It shows itself in the need for dependency on someone else and/or the need to throw one’s self so completely into a relationship that one has no self left with which to relate.  
Death Instinct pulls us away from our individuality so as to be part of a family, community, or humanity.  
Death Fear is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one. This is the fear of being totally absorbed by the other (loss of internal authority to exist as in a family dynamic), the fear of losing one’s self (loss of internal authority/self-identity) and the fear of losing one’s autonomy (becoming co-dependent), the fear of having one’s independence taken way (loss of freedom and will). Prevents the ability to commit to others or to self  

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