Developing Your Natural Talent
To Lead
Read the article and interview about the Natural Passages Program with Herb Stevenson in ALN Magazine.
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Click the image below to see our online slide presentation of the Natural Passages program.

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To Herb Stevenson
talk about the
Four Principals of Leadership in these short interviews.

and to Falling Leaves - music and lyrics written and performed by Jeff Endemann, a participant in MoMen 2006. The song was inspired and written during a MoMen weekend.

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for purchase at: www.jeffendemann.com

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star"
—Nietzsche

The Ideal Self Versus The Real Self

by Herb Stevenson

A Comparison - For those that dare

Throughout this program, we have suggested that you journal about your experience and apply the learning to your life. Peter Koestenbaum in Managing Anxiety suggests an even deeper form of journaling for those that truly want to know themselves. He suggests that the key is to focus on emotional, intellectual, and fantasy (day and night dreams) material. More specifically, the focus would be to record daydreams and night dreams as fantasy material to reveal what we hope or wish for our lives. Often, we are so close to these fantasies, that we never closely examine their content nor the impact it is having on how we live our lives. In actuality, we may not be aware that these fantasies may be covering the source of our deepest fears, insecurities, unacknowledged parts or dreams and hopes. At a minimum, it acts as a comfort and enable us to use our imagination to release a burst of anxiety.

For example, it is common to have a delayed reaction to emotionally charged experiences, such as an unexpected outburst of rage towards you. In such cases, the imagination can lead to a daydream about standing up to that person and teaching them a “thing or two” about respect. Another common example is to daydream about doing something other than the boring job that you do day-in and day-out. Finally, it common to daydream (fantasize) about the perfect partner, spouse, lover when our present situation is less than satisfying. Generally, all of these situations are based on some “ideal” perception of “the way things are supposed to be”.

Furthermore, we could journal about our ideal self versus our real self. The ideal self is some fantasy that we carry around as a measure of what we might be if the fairy god mother ever shows up. Often, this is a picture of life, our life, that we have changed very little since childhood. By taking the time to really examine the depth of the ideal self, we see indirectly how we have judged or dismissed whom we are. The real self is a comparison to that ideal self. It is a description of who am I, really, right now. By comparing the ideal with the real, we begin to see the gaps in perception we have created, the judgments we have made about ourselves, and the gaps that could be preventing us from fully living our lives in the moment as the person that we truly are.

Throughout the process, the hope is to bring together thoughts, emotional reactions and fantasy to see how we are orienting ourselves in day-to–day life. Describing, then reflecting and feeling reveals some of the daily discomforts that we hide. Is it time to reveal these discomforts. If so, collect photographs of yourself from different times of your life or different setting during the same time of your life. As you go through this experience, looks at the photos.

Check in

Before going on, check in to yourself. Notice your breathing, your tensions, your emotions, and whatever is upper most.

Describe a recent (night) dream in great detail include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self.
Is this a familiar dream or imagination? Explain.
Describe a recent Daydream about yourself in great detail include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe a recent Daydream about your spouse or another person in great detail include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe a recent Daydream about your boss in great detail include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe a common daydream about your work in great detail, one that you might not have shared; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe a common daydream about your spouse or family in great detail, one that you might not have shared; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar.
Describe your Ideal self in great detail; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar.
Describe your Ideal self with your spouse in great detail; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe your Ideal self at work in great detail; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar.
Describe your real self in great detail include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe your Real self with your spouse in great detail; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe your Real self at work in great detail; include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self. Is this familiar?
Describe in great detail the impact of this exercise, include emotions, side–bar thoughts, resulting sense of self.
Describe how you are going to be different in life.

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